Much Ado about Weiners

The whole Anthony Weiner drama over the past few weeks brought up some interesting recollections for me.

Once, at a bar in Minnesota, a biker who (reportedly) had his guy-stuff pierced in various fascinating ways, with little gold chains running hither, thither and yon, offered to display said jewelry (or would that be jewels?) to all the ladies present.

Another time, a drunken bowler made an elephant by turning the pockets of his jeans inside out to make ears, and making a trunk from...well, you get the picture.

And who can forget the guy I worked with who brought in the Polaroids of his botched vasectomy?

All of this has left me with the impression that men believe that women get the same thrill from looking at men's genitals that men receive from viewing women's.

To this may I say, "Non, non, mon cher."

(At this point, I'd like to offer a disclaimer: I have worked with a lot of wonderful men over the years who showed no signs of sharing this peculiar belief.)

To those that do, however, I would like to offer this suggestion. If exhibiting your junk seems like something you need to do, how about getting ID badges made up? Instead of having a picture of your face, it could display your penis. We could create a template for this ID that includes a ruler along one side (in inches or centimeters, your choice) that would allow the ladies to readily perceive what value, if any, you have to offer along those lines.

Or does that feel a little icky?

Like, maybe, you're being judged on the size of one of your body parts? In a way that totally discounts your heart, brains, character and soul, and ignores whatever else you might bring to a relationship?

Well, from the bottom of the heart that beats inside my 36-not-quite-a-B chest, let me just say: Yeah, it does.