Sunday, January 11, 2009

Oversharing - Part 3

I once worked with a guy who was concerned that, if he became rich and famous, women would accuse him of fathering their children and want a share of his wealth.

He waffled for a while about having a vasectomy, because he also worried that having all those sperm resorbed into his body would teach his system to cannibalize itself. In the end, his paternity-suit phobia won out over his self-initiated-immune-disorder fears and he made an appointment with a local urologist.

He told us later that he should have gotten up and left the minute the doctor pushed his way through the curtains surrounding the operating table. At first he thought the booze smell was just rubbing alcohol, until the doctor kind of staggered and grabbed onto the curtains to steady himself. But, for whatever reasons (I’m thinking pre-surgery anti-anxiety drugs), my co-worker’s self-preservation instincts failed to function.

Said co-worker left the doctor’s office with his parts intact (except for the planned snip), but over the weekend the site became infected. And extremely swollen.

I know this because when he returned to the office late the next week he brought in Polaroids that he’d taken with the aid of a mirror. I caught a glimpse of hairy buttocks and equally hairy legs raised in the air before I said, “Whoa! No, thank you!” and backed away.

There are just some things you’re better off not knowing about workplace acquaintances.

Later that day the women in the payroll office asked me about the pictures.

“I didn’t see them,” I said.

“We heard he showed them to you.”

“He tried to show them to me, but I said ‘no, thanks.’”

“Pam said you saw them.”

“I don’t look at pictures of men’s testicles,” I said firmly. “It’s one of my rules.”

I shared what he’d told me, all the gory details, but they still seemed disappointed.

I guess a picture really is worth a thousand words.

21 comments:

What A Card said...

These are so funny. I worked at a place just like this, complete with the post-boob-job lady who like to show EVERYONE her new parts :)

People are crazy, and I know I for one sure appreciate a job environment that really encourages the crazy.

Comedy Goddess said...

Is it too late to file some kind of harrassment case? Icky!!

buffalodick said...

I got the big V after my 2nd child.. he was so ugly, my wife and I both got fixed..

HoodChick said...

I'm surprised you didn't give him their names and tell him they were very interested in the whole procedure and would love to see the photos..

Andrea said...

You had me laughing out loud!! It amazes me that some people are just completely without filters....knowing when to share and when to not. :)

Chef E said...

I say whoa to that one- are you saving the best for last? lol

I knew someone once who would share things just like that...and he did get slapped with a SHL over a poem he wrote and showed to the women in the office...I never read it either!

K said...

Wow.

That would have been massive over sharing even without the photo.

He must have been an interesting man to talk to.

The Blonde Duck said...

Ewww! Why would he show you those?

Jan said...

Some people just dont have that self-monitoring device to tell them what is appropriate and what isnt. You just never know what will come up at work!

Rachel Cotterill said...

Oh my gosh. I can only say you must seem like a super-approachable person to have gathered all these stories, because *puts on my best whiny voice* no-one ever tells me anything. (I think I'm now pleased about that!) Either that, or universities maintain levels of propriety not guaranteed in offices.

Speaking of rubbing alcohol - ow, ow, ow. Am I the only person whose skin is so sensitive I get burned any time I go near the stuff?!

Lilly's Life said...

Oh gosh, too much information alright! How funny people are - no personal boundaries whatsoever. Or maybe he fancied you and was just doing a bit of a sales job!!!

Belle said...

Any chance you get those photo's for me to look at?

Samurai Beetle said...

That is insane! I've posted alot of bizarre stories about office life but nothing compares to that!!!

Thanks for visiting my blog :)

Tiffany said...

Okay, you are hysterical! I read your comment over on the Dear Target letter and just about died laughing.

Great blog!

K said...

I'm so glad you connected with Belle at Fawty. She's one of my best bloggy friends. I love her blog.

TattooedMinivanMom said...

Hi!

I thought I'd come check you out myself.

Me likey.

I will be more aware of alcohol odors at the drs office from now on.

Far Side of Fifty said...

Ah I draw the line at sharing photographs! very Funny:)

High Desert Diva said...

Ewwwwwwwww!

Lyndsay said...

Yes, one of the times when you aren't so glad about being one of those *approachable* people, right?

Boundary issues man, boundary issues!

ella said...

Oye! I go on a trip for a few days and there's a plethora of fine comedy playing out here. You last 4?5? posts were hysterical. Good Jorb Darlin'!

Joanna said...

Or a thousand dollars so you don't have to look at it. Ick! It's not like a guy's junk is pretty to look at let alone some mangled one. I'm betting he didn't have a girlfriend. Wonder if he ever became rich?

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