Monday, October 18, 2010

That Time of Year


Yesterday, a notation on the grocery list reminded me that it's that time of year again: the Great American Blubberbutt Fest.

GABF, for those of you unfamiliar with this holiday, begins in October with Halloween candy and doesn't finally wind down until the last New Year's Eve cocktails--and cocktail weenies--are tossed back.

Think of it as a kind of reverse-Ramadan, only twice as long and twenty times as fattening.

During this time, people will carry in to their place of work foods that they'd never make for their families, because they're just too unhealthy. And their co-workers will eat every bite and wash it all down with hot cocoa, or punch, or eggnog, which is whole milk to which has been added ten pounds of sugar, the yolks of a dozen eggs and some nutmeg.

Because nutmeg is famed for its ability to reverse heart disease.

At our house the pre-season warmup has already begun. The note on the grocery list was Old Dog's reminder to himself to stock up on Halloween candy. Beggar's Night, aka Trick or Treat, is still two weeks away, but we now have a supply of Reese's peanut butter cups, Fast Break bars and Butterfinger Miniatures on the kitchen counter. (At least, we did. We now have half a supply.)

In case you're not festive enough on your own, GABF always runs in parallel to school fundraisers, where adorable little boys in Cub Scout uniforms show up on your porch with kegs of popcorn (buttered popcorn, cheese popcorn, caramel popcorn, chocolate popcorn...) and adorable little girls call on the phone to ask how many Mint Moneypits and Caramel Cashsuckers Grandma and Grandpa are willing to spring for. Because if she sells $20,000 worth, she'll receive a stuffed animal worth $4.99.

(And don't bother to offer to simply buy her said toy--it has a paper tag hanging from its paw that makes it magical and special, and it can only be won by selling a gazillion Peppermint Pocket-Pickers)

Hmm.

I may need to work on my holiday spirit.

14 comments:

unmitigated me said...

Nutmeg is also nature's greatest source of lysergic acid (LSD). So there's that.

Chef E said...

Call me a party pooper, but I washed my hands of buying candy a few years ago. Hubby goes out and buys the dumbest kind, no kids show up and I end up giving it away to some friend for their office- passing off the blubber I guess is what we will call it, lol. We also quite over eating two years ago at hubby's family- I got sick the first year, he got sick the second and followed suit.

That is the only thing I miss about the ex, his family never made too much, and the food was so bland I ate enough to keep my blood sugar from getting too low, lol- oh lord, memories...

Dave King said...

Easy peasy - sell a gazillion Peppermint Pocket Pickers! Lovely post.

madtexter (corey james) said...

OMG! I got accosted by those Cub Scout popcorn boys on Saturday at the supermarket. I'm sure they were disappointed when I turned them down. They shoulda been selling cheese, because that's what I was at the store for.

They need to get over that sexist thing and start selling Boy Scout cookies. Now, THAT I would buy!

Rachel Cotterill said...

I think I need to come to the US during that season! Although, I don't like most American candy, so it might not really work for me :(

SuziCate said...

Blubberbutt Fest? I've atteneded it every year for at least thirty years...I am so hoping to skip it this year!

Paula said...

Love it!

Maggie May said...

haha!! this is SO true. and we wonder why we are the fattest country.

Debra She Who Seeks said...

Reverse Ramadan! Brilliant! That's what I'm calling this time of year from now on too.

Nezzy said...

Yep, it's time to pull out the old runnin' shoes and plug in that Windsor Palliate Cd...it's a war out there. There are times that farm livin' and runnin' the wild eyed cattle just aren't enough to reduce the wiggle from the jiggle!!!

Ya'll have the most marvelously blessed day!!! :o)

FranticMommy said...

Ha! GABF! In my house, it's the Time To Break Out The Fat Pants". It does seem to be an Eat Fest for the next few months doesnt it? Great post!

Debbie said...

I'm already noticing the waist feeling a little snugger on my pants! I'm doomed.

Frogs in my formula said...

Those Boy Scouts are even more insidious this year. They reformulated their popcorn stuff and it's to die for. It has toffee and caramel and...

I'm going to fail miserably at GABF this year.

Aishah said...

"smile"

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