My friend, Nicole, who, in addition to being one of the world's best critique partners, has a marketing and copywriting business called Keylocke Services (www.keylocke.com) sent me this ad copy (NOT her copy, mind you) she saw for a groupon:
Like a potato, if the human body is not properly mashed and moisturized, it will never be used for anything more than a science- project battery. Make sure your body is fluffed and buttered with today's soothing Groupon: for $20, you get a one-hour massage (up to a $65 value) at (company name deleted to protect the innocent).
(Company) offers soothing massage therapy within a calm and comfortable environment. Each hour-long massage ($65 value, $50 for anyone under 18 years old) utilizes the steady-handed skills of a talented staff of certified muscle molders. A variety of techniques are melded together to provide a mélange of optimal relaxation. Customers may delineate their desired pressure or area of focus, and the massage will be customized to suit their individual needs. Massage therapy helps the overworked masses shed their stress like a snake shedding an unfashionable judge's wig. Let firm arm paddles and a skillful touch provide a proper stress-blasting session with today’s Groupon to (company).
As Nicole's friend, Amy, said, "Wrap me in tin foil and bake me! Why would I want to go to a spa to be treated like a potato?"
All I can say is: I didn't even know snakes wore wigs.