Sunday, January 25, 2009

Tagged by Vodka Mom



Vodka Mom tagged me, so here goes:

1) One day, years ago, I was wearing a dress at work and I fell backwards into an empty paper box. My arms and legs were sticking up in the air while my butt was stuck in the box. Instead of helping me out, the guys stood around and made comments like, “Where do you buy film for a camera like that?”

2) My parents were children of the Depression and their frugal ways transmitted themselves to me. I once made myself a bowl of Kix only to realize at the first bite that the milk was sour. Instead of throwing it away I dumped it in a colander, then put it back in the bowl and poured on fresh milk.

3) I took my first college class in the summer of 1969, just after my freshman year in high school. After that auspicious beginning, things went a little awry, and I didn’t complete my bachelor’s degree until 1998. I like to tell people I was on the thirty year plan and finished a year early.

4) Only once in my life have I had so much to drink that I was still trashed when I woke up the next morning. I went to work anyway. It was not a good day.

5) I once attended an art show that consisted of nudes of my daughter painted by her lesbian roommate. Said roommate had come out to her parents the weekend before “so they’d have time to adjust” before the show. I did not drink at this event, but when I later wrote about it in a short story that won a local contest, my protagonist did, with disastrous results. The story captured that event so well that, to this day, my daughter tries to steer me away from alcohol.

6) My husband’s favorite memory from our courtship is of a dinner where I poked myself in the lip with my fork and then tried to pretend it didn’t happen.

7) I’m too self-conscious to be a good dancer – I usually look like I’m having a painful muscle spasm. However, I LOVE Motown, and with enough alcohol, I have been known to dance in a way that is both fluid and sensuous. I know this because a) my girlfriends commented on it and b) I got propositioned by a young couple to join them in a threesome.

8) I once interviewed a young man who was so good-looking I got completely rattled, and asked him the same question three times.

9) I apply 15 different things to my face each morning. Sometimes I wonder whether I should head for work or just enter the Witness Protection Program.

10) When I’m in practice, I’m a competent cook, but I have a tendency to crack under pressure. I made brownies for a meet-the-families rehearsal dinner for my second marriage and forgot them in the oven for over an hour. It was heartbreaking to watch the little sugar junkies from my side trying to gnaw off a chocolate fix.

Judging by the difficulty I had coming up with this list, future tags will result in some sorry barrel scrapings. Not saying "don't do it," just warning that the outcome may not be pretty.

As I was writing this, I debated whether to tag anyone else (thus putting them under the same pressure) and decided these people deserve the honor:

1) Hoodchick -- because I've learned more about her in a couple of months of blogging than from ten years of actual acquaintance. Let's see what else there is to know.

2) Chaka -- a recent follower, about whom I'd like to know more.

3) Jan -- because we have this weird, parallel lives thing going on.

4) Dedene -- because she live in France, and I'm totally fascinated by her life.

5) Christine -- an expat living in Italy -- ditto.

Your mission, my bloggy friends, if you should choose to accept it, is to grab the little award at the top of this post and use it to create a similar post, telling us some trivia from your lives.

(Note to Chef E: I'm not ignoring the lovely award you gave me, but I can't get it to shrink to fit in my sidebar, and I haven't figured out what post to do with it. You're learning what my "live" friends already know -- friendship with me requires patience, but if you value laughter, I'm worth it.)

30 comments:

Rachel Cotterill said...

Another post that had me laughing out loud (literally, not in the internet lol-meaning-that-was-slightly-amusing-but-I-wouldn't-embarass-myself-by-actually-laughing-out-loud-at-my-computer-screen sense), especially the Kix (whatever they are).

Jan said...

The best way to start my day is a new post from you. I was hoping you didnt let me down. Gee thanks for the tag. I have to think on it but I am sure I can come up with some trivia. I have a few life experiences on which to draw upon. I find I spend a lot of time just thinking about what to write about. And I have to consider also that my mother-in-law is the only family member that reads my blog. I love the story about falling backwards in the box. That so would happen to me.

Lyndsay said...

You never cease to amaze me - this list is priceless. Am I the only one who wants you to share the piece referenced in #5?

Sweet Repose said...

I don't know why, just can't put my finger on it...but I'm starting to feel quite normal...

Dedene said...

I am laughing so hard right now! Thanks for the award (I think) and the challenge. I'll try to come up to your high standards!
Thanks for the funny Sunday.

Comedy Goddess said...

I was just going to start my list as I was tagged by the venerable Vodka Mom for the same award.
Your list is far better than anything I can come up with, so I may just send everyone over here to read yours instead of mine.

buffalodick said...

I'm convinced everyone has weird happenings in their life, which make up the stories we tell most of our lives! Some tell them better than others, and you tell them very well!

doggybloggy said...

good answers...I cant seem to pick out a favorite though I am curious about the 'protaganist'

Janie said...

Holy crap, you are too funny! I wet my pants. Seriously.

Okay, I probably shouldn't have said that.

Thanks for stopping by my blog! I'll be back!

Michelle said...

That list was great! Very funny.

Chef E said...

I am still stuck at the 'sour milk' share...I knew there was a reason I cannot drink it anymore...and you also got me a little excited with the threesome share...

I am not worried about that silly award...big debate going around about it, and I was going to post a few words, I love your writing and am a loyal fan!

rachael said...

Having had a tragic sour milk experience when I was a kid, I had a hard time with number two but other than that, cool post that made me laugh girl! So neat to learn some background sometimes. I love your hubby's favorite story.

Debbie said...

Each of these items warranted a post all to itself. The story of the daughter's nude paintings...well, I just can't express feelings for that. You are a riot and I am so happy to read you every day.

Lilly's Life said...

he he, I think each of those thigns you mentioned deserves a post on their own too. You are a wonderful writer and such a funny, funny person! Loved this post!

K said...

I love these types of posts. I used to work with a man who was so good looking I couldn't concentrate on anything he was saying - it was totally dangerous.

CDB said...

Wow, I'm still reeling about #5.. amazing. Congrats on winning the short story contest! Sounds like it was no contest!

Popped over from K's blog..

ella said...

Fun and entertaining as usual. You are fucking awesome. At least that's what your husband said.

Michele said...

Thirty year plan? Finished a year early? Cute.

ChefBliss.com said...

I know how crazy it can be to make these lists. But I have to say: #8, with you there!! It was all I could do to talk at one point. Gorgeous!! #10, company coming? I'm in trouble!! Thanks for a great list!!

Dave King said...

I found this really fascinating - and related very keenly to one paragraph:
Only once in my life have I had so much to drink that I was still trashed when I woke up the next morning. I got married anyway. It was a very good day.

Belle said...

God Jeanne. I love you even more now.

lisa said...

Saw you over at Christines and enjoyed your lists. Nice Job.

Braja said...

God that was funny. Especially 1, 6 & 7...

Coffee with Cathy said...

So funny! Thanks for sharing and letting us learn a little more about you. I can't believe that this is all!

Far Side of Fifty said...

LOL.. I love your list! Thanks for the laughs today! :)

Joanna said...

I have to ask - did you rinse off the sour milk or just thought it added a special zing?

And the FBI has some strick codes on the Witness Protection Program and told me to knock it off. Just thought I would share. :)

Maggie May said...

oh my that Kix story killed me!!

Christine said...

Wonderful list! You seem to roll well with the punches. Thanks for tagging me too. I'm sure I can come up with a few.

Chaka said...

I'll see what I can do about that but I have to warn you it takes me several days to churn out a mediocre post.

Vodka Mom said...

I LAUGHED out loud.

That was fantastic!!!

LinkWithin

Related Posts with Thumbnails