Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Old Joke #3

This is in honor of Dan J., who recently de-lurked and left a comment. Dan was my boss at my former job, and would have saved me from being laid off if he hadn’t been shit-canned, too. He is a runner, and I always wanted to tell him this joke, but it seemed a little inappropriate for the office.

A guy is out jogging very early one morning when he realizes he has to take a dump. He looks around for a public building, or a gas station, but he’s in a residential neighborhood. He runs for a few more minutes, but the urge just grows stronger. Then he spots a thick cluster of bushes. He considers running on past, but the need is just too great. Stepping behind the shrubbery, he shucks down his shorts and squats.

As he finishes, but before he can pull up his running shorts, the worst happens. An old lady appears beside the bushes and stands there, staring at him without speaking.

Embarrassed, he says, “Can I help you, ma’am?”

The old lady smiles coyly.

“I’ve been a widow for many years. Would you mind,” she blushes, “if I just touch one of your testicles?”

The man is taken aback, but he’s not really in a position to refuse. “Okay.”

Reaching out, she gently cradles his left testicle between her fingers and thumb for a brief moment.

As he starts to pull up his shorts, he realizes she’s still staring fixedly at him.

“Would you mind,” she says, blushing even more deeply, “if I touched your other testicle?”

Reluctantly, he agrees and she softly squeezes his right testicle.

By now he’s starting to enjoy himself, so he’s not too upset when, after glancing down in embarrassment, she gazes shyly into his eyes and says, “Would you mind if I just touch both of them at the same time?”

“Sure,” he says. “Go ahead.”

The old lady takes his left testicle in her left hand and his right testicle in her right hand,. Slamming them together with every word, she yells:

“DON’T…EVER…SHIT…IN…MY…YARD…AGAIN!”

19 comments:

Chef E said...

Ahhhhh...what an early morning read!

Too funny! I like jokes!

Hello and I hope you are doing well, how is the job going...oh that could be a blog in a day or two, so I will wait!

Leilani Lee said...

Thanks for visiting my blog. You MUST kill the mouse in the clinic. Immediately. Put out glue traps. Get an old fashioned mouse trap. Feel sorry for it all you want, but get rid of it!

Vodka Mom said...

oh sweet jesus!!!!!!!

I LAUGHED OUT LOUD at the end.


that was spectacular.......you need to send that to Sandee over at Comedy Plus. She would love it.

doggybloggy said...

that is hilarious....absolutely funny...

buffalodick said...

I heard it as a flasher and a nun- but it's a great visual joke!

Far Side of Fifty said...

LOL Great joke! :)

Jen Sue Wild said...

Oh my goodness.
This is too too funny!!

Dan J said...

It is funny, and more so because I actually have had to stop during runs, but I was always more discrete than the person in her joke. Long distance runners (I have run 4 marathons and an ultra-marathon) have to get creative once in a while when they are out running.

HoodChick said...

This just isn't right. Because I know Dan. And I pictured him as the man in the joke. Good thing I don't have to face him tomorrow or I would be em bare assed!

Comedy Goddess said...

Ouch! And I am not even a guy!

HiHoOhio said...

Buffalo Wild Wings has good Chocolate Peanut Butter Pie, does that count.
I guess I can google and cheat!

NEXT???

And do not think I would consider Skyline a chili product, it is CRAP!!!

Tami said...

*Snort*
Very funny.

Followed you hear from LeeLeeLuLu's blog. Glad I did...I need a laugh.

Jan said...

Im wondering how the new job is going?

Lilly's Life said...

OMG that made me laugh. Terrific story and yes I have a friend who is a runner too - he will be getting told that one!!

Belle said...

Painful. I just hope he had finished his dumping while all this feeling was going on.

Sandee (Comedy +) said...

Bwahahahahahaha. No wonder Vodka Mom wanted me to come over here. That's a good one. Bwahahahahahaha.

Have a terrific day. :)

Sandee (Comedy +) said...

Oh, I stole it too. It will post Monday. Bwahahahahaha. I gave you credit. :)

Joanna said...

*snicker* Did you see the movie Yes Man with Jim Carrey? I think this lady might have been in the movie - only nicer and without her teeth. Ewww

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