Thursday, December 18, 2008

Old Joke #2

A man who lived a very bad life dies and goes to Hell. A demon greets him at the Admissions desk and scans his paperwork.

“Based on your resume,” the demon says, “I can offer you two choices of how you’ll spend eternity.”

Before the man can ask any questions, the demon sets off down a hallway. The man follows. Soon they come to a door with a small glass window.

“Here’s option one,” the demon says and gestures for the man to look in the window.

Inside he sees a freezer full of naked people. Their skin is blue, their teeth are chattering and icicles hang from every part of their bodies.

The man shudders. “Oh, please,” he says. “Not that. I hate being cold.”

The demon nods and proceeds down the hall to a second door.

Inside this window the man sees a roomful of people standing around in brown slime up to their ankles, drinking cups of coffee.

“Ugh,” the man says. “Is that…?”

“Yes,” says the demon, “it’s shit.”

The man thinks about it for a second and then sighs.

“That’s pretty disgusting,” he says, “but I really hate being cold. I think I’ll go with this one.”

The demon nods and, pulling a key from his pocket, unlocks the door.

Just as he opens it, a bell rings and a voice inside the room yells, “Coffee break’s over, back on your heads!”

* * *

So, the purpose of this joke (there’s always a purpose here at the Chronicles, however tangential) is to let you know that I’ve found gainful employment.

On January 5, I will start work as the Office Manager at a clinic. It’s different from the jobs I’ve held for the last 30+ years, being both less technical and much more people-oriented, and I’m looking forward to the change.

The work day doesn't start until 9 a.m., and since I get up at 5, that still gives me time to hit the gym and write in the mornings. (Novel is coming along very nicely, thanks for asking.)

So, I guess my coffee break’s over.

Time to get back on my head!

19 comments:

Jan said...

You are hilarious!!! Good luck on the new job. Sounds like a challenge. What is the novel about?

mommytoalot said...

stopping over from Mammarazzi...
funny joke..
fun blog
have a great Thursday

Jeanne said...

The novel....

Remember the incident a few years back, where the woman got caught on video beating her little daughter in a Kohl's parking lot? And for the next few days, there was this big hue and cry, looking for this woman? Everywhere I went people were talking about it, saying how, if they knew where she was, they'd turn her in.

And I got to thinking, if you wanted to find a missing woman, wouldn't that be a great way to do it?

Enter Julie Mitchell, a woman successfully in hiding from her abusive husband, or so she thinks -- until the video hits the airwaves.

Cindy said...

visiting via SITS

Comedy Goddess said...

At first I thought oh no, she won't be blogging! Then I noticed your typo, I think you meant Montgomery, I didn't want you to get in trouble. Anyway I don't blame you, what a long title which I hope you don't have to say each time you answer the phone. Get someone else to answer that damn thing Ms. Assistant to the Executive Director! Congrats newly minted Office Goddess!

Comedy Goddess said...

PS
Where is your Followers gadget!

ConversationsWithACupcake said...

I sincerely hope you have a lot of coffe breaks, and not so much dung-head standing at your new job. Congrats on finding a schedule that still allows you to do the things you love.

And...THANKS YOU for stopping by my blog! So nice to have you!

Happy Holidays! I'll be back :)

Wendy said...

Good joke and good luck with the new job and novel.

LenaLoo said...

Um, I hope your new job is not that bad! Thanks for coming by my blog!

Cassie said...

Ha! That's funny! I think at this point I would have to accept a job that involved Pooey Head Stands! Good luck on your new venture.

Thank you for visiting my blog, and for the well wishes on my job possibility!

Michelle said...

LOL....thanks for the smile!

I laughed when you said your dog once ate a friends shoes. That is one of my fears. She has been caught stealing them, but so far none have been eaten.

Chef E said...

I think you and I would get along very well with our life humor...I also am glad someone remembers V.Holt books, seems like I was the only one reading, and now it is chic to be in a book club. I am also writing three books at one time...I can't get a coffee break :)

Chef E said...

Oh, and thanks for stopping by my blog, and great idea for a book!

Andrea said...

Great post! lol! Congrats on the new job! That's amazing that you are working on a novel...I would love to be able to do that some day. :)

Radagast said...

Hey,

Me and a couple of the guys have been tinkering around with a new blog award, this past couple of months, or so...

I just wanted to let you know that I'm making an award to you, in this, the inaugural ceremony (for wont of a better word). Please see:

http://itsquiteanexperience.blogspot.com/2008/12/inaugural-hoy-awards.html

Strictly speaking you're not supposed to get this until Christmas Day, but we figured a bunch of people might be away visting, and whatnot, at that time, so we're sending them out, now.

Anyway, Merry Christmas!

Matt

Mr. Torrence Horton said...

Mr. Horton opened his eyes and realized there was no one in the room or out in the hall. He removed the IV and threw on the pants hidden in the drawer. He shuffled down the hall to the elevator and made it to the lobby. The kid with the laptop was sound asleep. In the nearest restroom he got caught up on the blog and started to feel woozy. He typed quickly as the voices outside sounded annoyed and grew louder...

J, let me get this organized in my mind...you were working IT for the Man...then one day you met THE Man. Then the Man terminated your job, then you started writing funny things about MEN, then one day, you were hired to work for MANKIND.......

Maybe someday the Man you met will have you on his team for the greater good of MANKIND on behalf of all men as required by THE BIG MAN.

Mr. Horton thought to himself, Man, I'm...I'm getting dizzy. Just then, the door to the restroom opened and it was...Jacob Marley! He looked down at Mr. Horton and said, " MANKIND IS her business! MANKIND IS her business!"...Mr. H fell asleep with a smile......

Jan said...

Sounds like an interesting idea for a book. I would read it.

Far Side of Fifty said...

Hi Jeanne, Great news with the job, a new challenge! Your novel sounds interesting! You go girl! Kept at the writing!
I liked the joke too, back on your heads..HA! :)

Joanna said...

Ooo I like the idea for your book.

Good luck with the job.

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