Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Raisin Rant: The 2012 Sausage Fest

An ABC News Picture

Last week, Congressman Darrel Issa convened a panel to discuss the pressing issue of contraceptives for women. Everyone who needed to be there was included.

Unless, of course, you think possibly a woman needed to be there.

So here's my question for Congressman Issa: where do you get the giant brass balls to think that you have the right to make decisions for me?

Oh, that's right. You were born with them. (Although I'm guessing the bronzing came later.)

And the fact that I was born without them justifies completely ignoring my right to have any say-so over what happens to my body.

(Yeah, I know this hasn't been an issue in my life in 30 years. Roll with me on this, please.)

Rick Santorum shares Congressman Issa's opinion. Well, Rick, here's a thought for you: As a taxpayer, I have an issue with you continuing to have unprotected sex even though you've already gifted society with one child who will never be able to care for herself. The fact is, once a woman reaches a certain age, the odds against her bearing a healthy child increase. For heaven's sake take some responsibility for your own reproduction. Strom Thurmond may have continued to squirt out babies till he was 99, but he didn't do with a 99-year-old woman.

And here's my next question: why does Rick Santorum (and every other zealot out there) think I should live my life according to his religious beliefs? I get the anti-abortion thing: if you think life begins at conception, then abortion is murder and we don't let people murder other people. But using a condom or some other form of contraceptive to prevent pregnancy in the first place isn't abortion.

It's behaving responsibly.

Santorum also believes that if a woman--even a young girl--becomes pregnant after being raped, she should be forced to carry that rape baby. And he wants her to do that even if it means putting her life at risk.

Because that's his religious belief.

Here's an idea for you, Rick: how about we stuff a growing, living representation of the worst thing that's ever happened to you under your sweater vest and let it gestate there for nine months? It will shove all your other organs out of the way, permanently changing the landscape of your body so there can be no forgetting what happened to you, until it's time to push it out through a too-small orifice.

How does that sound?

Oh, that's right. You aren't making this decision for yourself.

You only want to make this decision for women.


  1. Basically, it's all very terrifying. The congressman's deluded idea of responsibility that is. I like the sweater vest experiment, let's go with that...

    Nice to read you agin, hope you're well :)

  2. hear hear!! Don't worry....he's getting screwed now...oops!!!

  3. Is it me, or do I sense that you feel very strongly about this?

    You had me at "squirt out babies" hahahhhaha!

  4. men should have no opinion when it comes to pregnancy..if they cannot physically carry a baby for nine months then they should have no opinion:(


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