Friday, July 14, 2017

Fiction Friday: Why I Don't Write Erotica

This week, I tried to write a scene where Jake and Taylor, the H/H of my Contemporary work-in-progress, play out a little bondage scene. They've just been to dinner at the home of Taylor's boss, a real estate developer who's trying to take Jake's land by whatever means necessary. Jake dislikes him very much, but he likes Taylor a lot, so he not only goes to dinner and behaves (reasonably) well, but even goes out and buys a dress shirt and tie for the occasion.

Why would he do all that? Because he was promised "positive reinforcement" for good behavior. While he was out shopping, he picked up some extra ties for just this reward. Taylor's kind of a control freak, so allowing someone else to have that much control is a big step for her.

Sexy and fun, right?

Wrong. Instead of a sex scene, it turned into a story problem: If Jake has four ties, one king-sized hotel bed and a 5'7" girlfriend, will he be able tie her to the bed?

Width of King Size bed (76"/ 2 = 38") + Height of mattress and box springs (23")  = 61"

Taylor’s arm span (58"/2 = 29") - length of her hand (7") = 22"

61" – 22" = 39" to tie down one wrist.

Length of an average tie: 62"

62" - 39" = 23"  That gives us 23" of fabric to wrap around her wrists and the bed legs.

23" / 2 = 11.5"

Her wrists are probably 7" in diameter (Mine are 6" and they may be the smallest adult female wrists on the planet. Why couldn't that trait have landed on my hips instead?)

Assuming that the bed legs are no thicker than Taylor's wrists, that allows us 4" of cloth to make each knot. Doable, although the wide end of the tie will probably have to be folded vertically to make it work.

A king size bed is 80 inches long, approximately 13 inches longer than Taylor is tall, so he'll need another 13 inches to bind her ankles.

So now he's going to need 6 ties instead of 4. Unfortunately, Jake's not much of a planner. I can't see him figuring all this out ahead of time.

At this point, my really hot sex scene kind of collapsed on itself.

At this is why I can't write erotica: too much math.


Pauline Persing said...

:O Uh Huh.

Stacy McKitrick said...

Hahahahaha! Ever think about making the bed a double instead???

Far Side of Fifty said...

Maybe it is a small twin bed:) Maybe she wears reams of scarves around her neck so she can help him out :)


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