Monday, January 17, 2011

Winning the Cold Medal



Really old (and somewhat disgusting) joke: What's green and figure skates?

Peggy Phelgm.

I missed two days of work last week due to the cold I caught from my two-year-old granddaughter, aka Patient Zero.

I might have survived contact with this one-child plague zone, but I happened to bring with me her favorite blanket, which she'd left behind on her last visit, so she kept running up and kissing me. Mostly on the side of the knee, which, of course, is lip (and snotty upper lip) height for her.

Since I'm equipped with monkey arms that hang to my knees (apparently God decided to use the bone that could have gone into making me an actual chin on longer arms instead), this means my fingers kept brushing the site of the contagion.

The days I missed were Wednesday and (most of) Friday. On Thursday, due mainly to scheduled meetings, I dragged myself into the office and did okay. When, on Friday, I tried to repeat that trick, I wasn't as lucky. By 10 a.m. the cheery "bless you's" that reverberate in my office when someone sneezes had degenerated into sullen silence, marred only by the sound of people pulling garlic and silver crucifixes from their lap drawers.

I chose to leave before the lynch mob could form.

Because of my allergies, any sort of respiratory issues inevitably turns into a sinus infection, so on Friday afternoon I visited my family doctor, who prescribed an antibiotic.

Only I HATE taking antibiotics (which breed supergerms) so I put off taking it until the next day, by which time I had morphed into a giant snot-ball.

Just call me Peggy.

12 comments:

cardiogirl @ cardiogirl.net said...

I have three kids -- 10, 7 and 5 -- and I remember so well wanting to push their faces away from mine when their kisses became coughs directly into my nose. But you can't push a young child away.

Even if you want to. I still have that going on with my 5-year-old and I still try to plug my nose and turn my head when I think she's going to cough.

And I still get sick whenever she does.

boycottamericanwomen said...

BOYCOTT AMERICAN WOMEN
Why American men should boycott American women

http://boycottamericanwomen.blogspot.com/

I am an American man, and I have decided to boycott American women. In a nutshell, American women are the most likely to cheat on you, to divorce you, to get fat, to steal half of your money in the divorce courts, don't know how to cook or clean, don't want to have children, etc. Therefore, what intelligent man would want to get involved with American women?

American women are generally immature, selfish, extremely arrogant and self-centered, mentally unstable, irresponsible, and highly unchaste. The behavior of most American women is utterly disgusting, to say the least.

This blog is my attempt to explain why I feel American women are inferior to foreign women (non-American women), and why American men should boycott American women, and date/marry only foreign (non-American) women.

BOYCOTT AMERICAN WOMEN!

boycottamericanwomen said...

BOYCOTT AMERICAN WOMEN
Why American men should boycott American women

http://boycottamericanwomen.blogspot.com/

I am an American man, and I have decided to boycott American women. In a nutshell, American women are the most likely to cheat on you, to divorce you, to get fat, to steal half of your money in the divorce courts, don't know how to cook or clean, don't want to have children, etc. Therefore, what intelligent man would want to get involved with American women?

American women are generally immature, selfish, extremely arrogant and self-centered, mentally unstable, irresponsible, and highly unchaste. The behavior of most American women is utterly disgusting, to say the least.

This blog is my attempt to explain why I feel American women are inferior to foreign women (non-American women), and why American men should boycott American women, and date/marry only foreign (non-American) women.

BOYCOTT AMERICAN WOMEN!

Nezzy said...

What's green and red and goes 'round and 'round????

A frog in a blender.

What's black and white and red all over???

A nun with a bloody nose.

Ok, I'll stop....I admit, I have no self~control but I have a million of these jokes floatin' 'round this old brain of mine.

I'm so sorry your sick girl and sure don't blame ya for not wantin' to fill yourself with antibiotics. Be sure to get plenty of acidophiles and put the good stuff back in.

I just returned from TX where I spent time with my family for my Dad's memorial service. My sister smokes and my lungs are complaining!!! (she says as she hacks one up)

God bless you and please take care sweetie!!!

SkylersDad said...

Hope you feel better real soon!

Lori said...

I have my own germ monsters here with me so I totally get what you are saying here...hope you are feeling wonderfully soon! XX

Blissed-Out Grandma said...

We are recirculating the fun bugs among three generations. I sometimes just cringe as I see germy faces, hands, food items, clothes, whatever, coming my way. I try to smile warmly; then I run and wash my hands and face and hope for the best. Feel better soon!

Far Side of Fifty said...

You win! I hope you are less snotty now and on your way to a complete recovery till the next germ invasion:)

Chef E said...

I just told a friend that with kids come germs, because they are getting sick all the time.

I saw your post title and thought you were going to write about how I am stuck in the house from the snow and ice- heh! How selfish of me. When in fact you feel worse than I, mine is temporary dental pain.

I hope you are feeling better!

Oh, and I just the new visitor you have...I am a bitting american woman, so he'd better watch out he he

kyknoord said...

Lightweight. You only need to leave when the pitchforks come out.

HumorSmith said...

Hi Jeanne! What's long and funny and includes your blog?

My blogroll! Guess whose blogroll The HumorSmith Chronicle isn't on?

As one chronicler to another, can't we all just get a long blogroll?

Hope you feel better soon.

Lilly said...

Oh my, how I have missed your blog. You are hilarious - through sickness and health! I do hope you are on the improve and for the life of me I cannot believe your grand daughter is now 2 - oh time is going quickly..

LinkWithin

Related Posts with Thumbnails