Old Joke #45

Jack wakes up in the hospital bandaged from head to foot. "I see you've regained consciousness," the doctor says. "You probably don't remember, but you were in a huge pile-up on the highway. You're going to be okay, you'll walk again and everything, but your penis was severed in the accident and we were unable to find it." As Jack groans, the doctor goes on, "You've got $ 9,000 in insurance compensation coming and we now have the technology to build a new penis. They work great but they don't come cheap. They're, roughly, $1,000 an inch." Jack immediately perks up. "You'll have to decide how many inches you want. Now, I know that you've been married for over thirty years, so this is something you should discuss with your wife. If you had a five incher before and get a nine incher now, she might be uncomfortable with the change. Or, if you had a nine incher before and you decide to only invest in a five incher now, she might be disappointed. So it's important that she plays a role in helping you make your decision." Jack agrees to talk it over with his wife. The next day, doctor comes back. "So, have you spoken with your wife?" "Yes I have," Jack says. "And has she helped you come to a decision?" "Yes, she had," Jack replies. "And what did you decide?" asks the doctor. "We're getting granite counter tops."