Sunday, August 22, 2010

Rapture Insurance, Raisin Style

This insurance is designed to take care of your pets, etc. after you've been whisked away to live in the clouds. It costs $110.00 for a single pet at a single address and $15.00 for additional pets at that address.

If you're interested, you can check it out at Eternal Earthbound Pets.com.

Another alternative is to make friends with an atheist.

Of which I have a few.

I won't name them, since a recent survey showed most Americans rank atheists below homosexuals on an acceptability scale (and we hate gays so much we won't even let them get married because, I suppose, we're afraid they'll reproduce), but you atheists know who you are.

So, anonymous atheist friends, if I suddenly disappear, would you take care of Abby and Emmy, please?

(Note: Technically speaking, #5 is an agnostic view. And here's what Life of Pi says about agnostics:

"I can well imagine an atheist's last words: "White, white! L-L-Love! My God!"--and the deathbed leap of faith. Whereas the agnostic, if he stays true to his reasonable self, if he stays beholden to dry, yeastless factuality, might try to explain the warm light bathing him by saying, "Possibly a f-f-failing oxygenation of the b-b-brain," and, to the very end, lack imagination and miss the better story.")

Coming Wednesday: I get grilled over at Grilled Grandmas.

12 comments:

  1. ah but jeanne, i got married! it was a monumental thing to do, here in provincetown.

    thanks for your visit to my blog. i will be back here to linger: i like your politics and wit

    ReplyDelete
  2. If your God, who is the epitome of love and goodness, decides that you get to go to heaven but your pets are worthless bags of flesh destined to starve to a lonely death. You have my word that I will do my best to stymie his good plan.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Sign me up! Sign me up!

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  4. I'm not an athiest, but I'm not waiting for the second coming, either. I'd be happy to make sure Abby and Emmy are well loved.

    Some of those cracked me up...

    I hope Stumpy's opinion of Richmond didn't offend! ;)

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  5. I suppose that taking them with you is out of the question?

    All the best in this life and the next from Boonie

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  6. Hello Jeanne, this is Lisa (Fazlisa). I have "changed" :) but would like to continue reading you.

    ReplyDelete
  7. HA! Those billboards were GREAT! I'm a believer! In those billboards! And in our beloved pets. Gotta take care of them even when we're not here to do it ourselves.

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  8. I'll be right over to collect Abby & Emmy as soon as I finish eating this baby.

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  9. Ha. You had me at "Life of Pi."

    Can't wait to read more. So glad I found you over at Grandma's Briefs!

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  10. I'll decide if I'm a believer when the time comes. For now, it's best not to count on anything or anyone but yourself.

    I'd be thrilled to take care of the kitties. As long as you'll take Pacha if I go first!

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  11. i'm sorry i just can't have one more living creature! but you have an army of volunteers here :)

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