At dinner the other night, my friend, Teri, said, "By the way....
"By the way..." by the way, is how Old Dog introduces the topic of any mistake I may have made in the past 24 hours. Examples: "By the way, you forgot to lock the back door when you went to work this morning" and "By the way, those theater tickets you bought took our savings account down to $X." (Where $X is $Y less than we've agreed to keep in savings.)
Needless to say, the sound of those three words, in and of themselves, are enough to make me cringe.
Then Teri said, "Don't take this the wrong way...."
"Don't take this the wrong way" is a lot like, "I don't want to hurt you." You can bet your bippy you are not going to enjoy whatever comes next.
It turns out she's recently gotten hooked on Glee and has decided that the show's resident villain, Sue Sylvester, reminds her of yours truly. She claims Sue's snotty comments are reminiscent of things I say and even more reminiscent of things she suspects that I think, but manage to keep to myself.
Okay, I can own that.
Told you that to tell you this: I am introducing a new feature on The Raisin Chronicles, wherein I will share something I've said and let you be the judge.
Is This Mean? #1
Old Dog came home from the grocery today grinning from ear to ear. He saw a middle-aged woman with a hairstyle that was combination crew cut/mullet striding into the store. Later, when she came back out, he realized her car was parked next to his truck.
Just so you know, every time I buy a car, within six months that model is named the lesbian vehicle of choice. Every. Single. Time.
So you can guess what the lady was driving -- a Subaru Outback, just like mine.
"Same model," Old Dog reported gleefully.
"It was even the same color," he prodded.
"You should be more worried about that than I am," I said.
"After all, I know what I'm thinking about when we make love, but you don't. For all you know, I could be thinking about her."
Was that mean?