Saturday, July 24, 2010

A New Raisin Chronicles Feature: Is This Mean?

At dinner the other night, my friend, Teri, said, "By the way....

"By the way..." by the way, is how Old Dog introduces the topic of any mistake I may have made in the past 24 hours. Examples: "By the way, you forgot to lock the back door when you went to work this morning" and "By the way, those theater tickets you bought took our savings account down to $X." (Where $X is $Y less than we've agreed to keep in savings.)

Needless to say, the sound of those three words, in and of themselves, are enough to make me cringe.

Then Teri said, "Don't take this the wrong way...."

"Don't take this the wrong way" is a lot like, "I don't want to hurt you." You can bet your bippy you are not going to enjoy whatever comes next.

It turns out she's recently gotten hooked on Glee and has decided that the show's resident villain, Sue Sylvester, reminds her of yours truly. She claims Sue's snotty comments are reminiscent of things I say and even more reminiscent of things she suspects that I think, but manage to keep to myself.



Okay, I can own that.

Told you that to tell you this: I am introducing a new feature on The Raisin Chronicles, wherein I will share something I've said and let you be the judge.

Is This Mean? #1

Old Dog came home from the grocery today grinning from ear to ear. He saw a middle-aged woman with a hairstyle that was combination crew cut/mullet striding into the store. Later, when she came back out, he realized her car was parked next to his truck.

Just so you know, every time I buy a car, within six months that model is named the lesbian vehicle of choice. Every. Single. Time.

So you can guess what the lady was driving -- a Subaru Outback, just like mine.

"Same model," Old Dog reported gleefully.

I shrugged.

"It was even the same color," he prodded.

"You should be more worried about that than I am," I said.

"After all, I know what I'm thinking about when we make love, but you don't. For all you know, I could be thinking about her."

Was that mean?

14 comments:

Blissed-Out Grandma said...

Heck no. You've probably just improved his fantasy life by a whole bunch. He may or may not admit it....

Rachel Cotterill said...

I consider myself a good judge of meanness... and that's not even close. Hilarious, though!

SkylersDad said...

That wasn't mean, it was just good natured ribbing back at him for starting things in the first place.

doggybloggy said...

nope - not even if its true.

SuziCate said...

I think it's hilarious, only just a teensy bit mean!

Chef E said...

How funny, for some reason I am up on this knowledge, since an article was even written about how Lesbians buy Subaru's, and they are targeted for commercials as well. Now when I see one I will think of you :) he he

madtexter (corey james) said...

Good one. That's not mean, that's wit!

By the way, I wonder what the next lesbian car of choice will be? When you get your next car, let us know.

林聖瑤 said...

好地方!下次再來看~~加油!期待............................................................

Far Side of Fifty said...

Not mean..he deserved it:)

Steven G said...

By the way, is it me, or does anyone else think that Old Dog is prolly like a German Pointer that knows exactly the kind of model he likes?

Georgina Dollface said...

"Oh snap!" (Geez, even in bloggerspace I can't pull that saying off without sounding like an idiot. Moving on...)
Your comeback was wicked. AND you didn't preface it with a "By the way" or "Don't take this the wrong way" either, so it couldn't have been that mean. (Still, I'm not sure I would want to meet you in a dark corner of the debate club. You are sharp.) Booyah! <---- See, that didn't work either. I'm going to sign off now. - G

anymommy said...

No, that was genius!

kyknoord said...

Certainly no meaner than taking pleasure in pointing out that you drive a dykemobile.

小袁璇 said...

愛情是一種發明,需要不斷改良。只是,這種發明和其他發明不一樣,它沒有專利權,隨時會被人搶走。.................................................................

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