Monday, August 3, 2009

Flasher Magnet

My younger sister is a flasher magnet.

I don’t know if it’s because she’s small, because her blue eyes and freckles make her look innocent and easily shocked, or some other less tangible quality, but she’s seen upwards of a dozen anonymous penises in her life.

In fact, the only two times I’ve been flashed, I was with her.

The first time, I was a senior in high school and she was in sixth grade. Her middle school was a quarter mile beyond my high school, and we’d just crossed Hedges Street when a man in a white Corvair pulled up to the stop sign behind us.

“Hey, can you tell me how to get to Terry Street?” he called from his car.

Our parents had recently owned a house on Terry (they used to flip houses in the 60’s, before it became trendy), so I had a general idea. I stepped up to the passenger side window and was describing how to get there when suddenly Robin starts yelling, “You’re sick! You make me sick!”

I turned around to see what the heck was going on, and she’s standing there, pointing toward the car. Following the trajectory from the end of her finger, my eyes came to rest on what seems, in memory, a flesh-colored object roughly the dimensions of the Washington Monument.

I said, “Oh, gross” and walked away.

A number of years later, we were sitting in a Taco Bell, enjoying a round of Nachos Bell Grande, when she suddenly leapt from the booth and headed for the counter, yelling, “That’s it. I’m getting the manager.”

I looked around in time to see a middle-aged guy with greasy, thinning hair dump the remains of his tray into the trash and head out the door.

Those are my only two incidents; for her, there have been many more. She insists that I’ve probably been flashed as often as she has, and just didn't notice.

She could be right.

17 comments:

Dedene said...

I try not to notice! You're lucky, just keep being naive. Poor sis, she's too observant.

Jan said...

Obviously there a lot of sickos out there!

A Mom on Spin said...

Could it be that I've been flashed too and have never noticed???

FrankandMary said...

I'm filled with envious curiosity. Can't remember the last time I was flashed. But then I am an OLD woman
;0. They might not want to kill me from the shock. ~Mary

Renee said...

Thanks for the laugh.

Jeanne thank you for sharing your story with me. I see that you understand too.

Love Renee xoxo

Fer*Cambe said...

Wow this is truly enlightening! What?! Really? I didn't know there were so many of these sicky guys!? Poor sister!

buffalodick said...

My corvair was red, not white! I wasn't even in town that day!
I've never figured that one out- why men do this... I guess I've been "flashed" by a few women(usually after many drinks, and requests to "show us your boobs!").

Lyndsay said...

Yet one more thing in life I haven't experienced.

Darn.

SkylersDad said...

The best thing to do is point and laugh at the flasher, no guy likes that.

bernthis said...

Did you tell your mom about this? I would have flipped out if God forbid this happened to my kid. I'd hunt the guy down myself.

Maggie May said...

Some people just have that bad luck. I have my own kind, so I know!

Kathryn Magendie said...

Ugh ugh ugh UGH!!!! nasty B*st*ds!

when I lived in Baton Rouge, I had the scariest thing happen to me - I'd just moved into some new apartments and had spoken to my very nice neighbors a few times...well, one day I was walking to work and a truck stopped and someone said, "want a ride" - I thought the truck and the person inside was my neighbor! - I climbed in and as soon as I was in the truck and he sped off, I realized my mistake - it was not him - the truck looked like his, he looked similar to my neighbor - was not.

OMG! I was terrified -I looked out the window, trying to think if I should just open the door and take my chances by jumping out...then he said ...OMG sick -he said "Mind if I exercise myself?"

I looked over at him - shouldn't have because I should have known better (I was 19) and there IT was -- EYEWWWWWWW and there he went EEYWWWWWWWWWW...I thought that was my last day on earth -- but, I very calmly said, "Oh this is where i want to be let out, right here..."

Amazingly, he said, "Okay..." stopped the truck ....

I opened the door before the truck hardly was stopped, got out of that truck so fast and began running ....good lawd!

nasttttyyyyyyyy! eyewwwwwww!

I don't get it - makes me sick they've done this to your daughter -- ICK UGH!

(when it happened to my younger brother - he ran into his friend's house and got their shotgun! he ran out and said "I"ll KILL YOU YOU SICK B##((#(#(#!!!" that guy sure lit out fast --!)

Steven G said...

The world is a strange place, indeed.

Years ago we were vacationing at a nudist resort in Florida when one day a construction worker drove up and jumped out of his truck wearing only his bermudas! My wife freaked out and had me go over and MAKE the guy take off his shorts.

K said...

I've never been flashed. Or at least never noticed.

Excellent post.

Real Live Lesbian said...

::thinking::


I don't think I've ever been flashed. Or maybe I'm just like you! ;)

anymommy said...

That's probably the ultimate insult to a flasher right? To have the intended flashee just not notice. Oh I'm sorry, too small!

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