Monday, March 23, 2009

Come On a' My House


Our downstairs bath is a multi-purpose room. In addition to the normal fixtures one associates with a bathroom, it also hosts our washer and dryer.

And, it’s an indoor swimming facility.

The previous owner installed a hot tub. Before you go all emerald with envy, let me describe this thing. Molded from greenish-yellowish-grayish fiberglass, and riddled with hairline cracks from age, it could easily accommodate four Sumo wrestlers. It takes, without exaggeration, an hour to fill. And that’s just to cover the jets.

My grandkids LOVE this tub. One of their favorite things is to bring over their suits and “swim.” We have lots of bath toys and fluffy towels, and, thank God, a ceramic floor.

Most of the grandkids are, biologically speaking, Old Dog’s. Of the current census of 11 (which fluctuates due to marriages and divorces) only one (shown above with his baby sister*) carries my genetic material. I don’t love him more than the others, but I do enjoy scanning his little face for traces of myself. Because his father is an anonymous donor and his maternal grandfather passed away a couple of years ago, I am the only biological grandparent in his life (although he has scads of non-biological grandparents who adore him).

(BTW – there’s a huge advantage to having a grandchild via an anonymous donor – you can claim all the positive traits and ascribe any you don’t like to his unknown father. “He’s so smart – he gets that from me” and “That temper tantrum thing – that must run in the donor’s family.”)

I picked him up on Friday and we spent the day together, eating lunch as the “pool” filled. I donned my suit and got him into his swimmy diaper. He wasn’t sure about swimming indoors, but once I hauled out the singing dolphins and Pooh and Eyeore and their boats, he was happy to paddle in the warm water, while Grandma showed him how to squeeze Pooh so that water sprayed from his mouth.

The first time I did this, Pooh also spat some bits of leaves and debris that had been resting in his tummy since we put the wading pool away last summer. So a few moments later when I noticed the water was cloudy, I figured that was the cause.

As Phinn continued to play, without a care in the world, however, the water went from cloudy to out-and-out murky. Then I looked at Phinn’s cherubic little face and remembered his nanny telling me that he’d probably poop in the next couple of hours.

Have you ever seen the movie Silkwood? Or watched the part of Monsters, Inc. where Phlegm is decontaminated after he gets that kiddie sock stuck to his back? If so, you have an idea what the next half hour looked like at our house as I disinfected him, me, the tub, the toys, the floor and a load of bath towels.

Kind of takes all the sexy right out of hot tubs, doesn’t it?

(*Although they have different mothers, the kids share a donor, so they’re biologically related.)

25 comments:

Christine Gram said...

You sound like a fun Grandma. I wish my kids could spend more time with my parents.

I've been through the poop in the tub ordeal. Although my tub was much much smaller that what yours sounds like.

Smiles! It's Monday.

K said...

Gotta love swimming with kids.

I wish my grandma had a tub like this when I was little.

Rachel Cotterill said...

Ewwww...

Fortune Cookies said...

Oh my! I so thought you would say it was some goop oozing in from the motor/pump thing...I think I'd of been bathing in Lysol after swimming in pooh with Pooh and friends! ;)

I'll have to keep that tip in mind about the blame game. Although I'm pretty sure we've settled on adoption and I don't think it works quite the same in that circumstance...
thanks for making me smile this morning!

smiles4u said...

Sounds like you had yourself some fun! I've cleaned up a good share of poop in bath tubs but not a big hot tub...I just about imagine that's even bigger fun...lol.

Sounds like you have lots of fun with your grandchildren. I am sure they love spending time with you!

Lilly said...

Oh its kind of sweet and I think you are loving being a grandmother. I know I loved mine. Its a great relationship. I personally cannot wait to become one. And I will be careful re the hot tub too after your lesson, he he.

What A Card said...

What a shitty experience! ;)

(PS~~What cutie-pants those kids are. I bet they'll be even cuter once they stop pooping in the tub!)

giantspeckledchihuahua said...

ah yes ... it was so good to be reminded of that experience. I will see my son this week so it will be good to remind him, too. :)

Comedy Goddess said...

Well it was fun while it lasted.

rachael chatoor said...

Ha ha! a pile of work no doubt, but a fun story, what lucky grandkiddies you have!

Sandra Leigh said...


Kind of takes all the sexy right out of hot tubs, doesn’t it?


Yep. It also makes me turn a suspicious eye on our community swimming pool.

Real Live Lesbian said...

What adorable children they are....

until they poop in the hot tub! lol

Roshni Mitra Chintalapati said...

ok, this is the first post I read in your blog and I'm in! Just added you to my blogroll!!

Do visit when you have time away from your grandkids!!

CDB said...

Yikes.. and grrrrrrrross. This rivals BuffaloDick's comment on my post today . Ironically, both about poop at ill-timed intervals.

Yuck, sorry about the clean up. Prior to that snafu, sounds like a great time!

Jannie Funster said...

Hot tub maintenance seems a right chore. I know our little backyard pool is, I had to drain it 3 times last summer until I finally knew what I was doing. It measures 15' round by 4' deep.

He’s so smart – he gets that from me” and “That temper tantrum thing – that must run in the donor’s family.”) LOL!!!

It is so interesting getting to know you. I really really like your blog a lot.

And guess what?!? The comment you left on my blog a couple days ago inspired a poem, which I have published in today's post. Who knew!?

Now I hope to "meet" that musician Rachel you spoke of!

Michelle said...

Ah, America's favorite pastime = pooping in the tub.

HoodChick said...

Ah, and just Saturday Mini-J asked to come to my pool. Although I hope he's fully potty trained by the time I open it this year.

buffalodick said...

You make this sound like an aboriginal tribe that you were abducted by! What's on the menu- Missionary(The Other White Meat?)!! Just kiddin' as always,
Annoying Uncle Buff

Debbie said...

You are a riot! And yes, that did take the sexy out.

Maggie May said...

you are such a wonderful Grandma!!
and the first thing my son did in a tub was poop on his naked mother.

Frogs in my formula said...

Oh no, floaters? You paint such a cute picture--singing dolphins and Pooh and Eyeore and their boats--I wasn't sure where you were going. I knew it was somewhere...just not there LOL.

High Desert Diva said...

Ha, ha......ewwwww!

Smart A$$ Mom said...

I kinda wiggled in my seat for you. I remember those singing dolphins, I had them for my daughter. She really just enjoyed drowning them though.

Far Side of Fifty said...

Pooping in a tub! They all have to do that! The best laid plans..got you lots of cleanup! Great post! :)

julie70 said...

I loved to swim in a small pool in the garden of my grand parents, that was mostly there for decoration - "too dirty" they said me, and one morning I found it empty!

I still remember how sad I was.

ps what means "old dog's" ?

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