Wednesday, March 11, 2009

The Birds and the Bees - Part 3

Old Dog says he got The Talk after his dad caught him trying to stop a rooster from copulating with a hen in their chicken yard. Young Pup was worried that the rooster, who had the hen’s neck trapped in his beak, was trying to kill her. “Nah,” said Doggy Daddy, “that’s how chickens have sex.” And then he nodded and walked away, a man relieved to have an unpleasant task behind him. (Thank God Old Dog’s first wife was the one who had to deal with any misconceptions that left behind. There’s a lot to be said for buying a pre-owned model.)

My first husband’s mom, on the other hand, gave him a pamphlet. Period. Not even a, “and let me know if you have questions.” Just a little booklet and you’re-on-your-own-buddy.

It is possible, however, to be too detailed. Some friends ran into this when describing the upcoming birth of their new baby to its soon-to-be brother, aged 8, and sister, age 6.

“A woman’s body,” Dad explained, “has three openings. Each these serves a specific purpose: one is for peeing and one is for pooping, but it’s the third opening that we’ll be talking about today.”

At this point, the 8-year-old interrupted. “You mean it comes out the pussy?”

Maybe our parents were right after all.

20 comments:

we're doomed said...

Kids say the best quotes ever, don't they?

K said...

So not looking forward to having that talk with my son.

It should be his dad's job right?

Janie at Sounding Forth said...

oh, no!! ;)

Dedene said...

I pretty much got the book version. Learning on a farm is the best way.

doggybloggy said...

well I grew up in rural New Mexico so the birds and the bees was the birds and the bees....

Maggie May said...

that is awesome!!

buffalodick said...

A long time ago, before a lecture I put on for a local Community College on Plastic Mold Steels, my ex-instructor told me something I never forgot..There is always somebody in the audience that knows more than you do... Ask questions to qualify your audience- then tell them something they don't know!

HoodChick said...

The boys had to leave, and the girls got to watch a movie. I have no idea what they did while us girls were being edumacated, but I suspect they played basketball.

Frogs in my formula said...

Thank God for the Joy of Sex. Conveniently left on a coffee table, it's a great tutorial.

Jan said...

Remember the book, "Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex But Were Afraid to Ask"?

Debbie said...

Well now. I just wasn't expecting that ending!

ladyfi said...

ROFL! I got a brochure too from my parents!

Far Side of Fifty said...

You cracked me up! LOL..ain't it the truth. Kids are smarter than their parents:)

Mammatalk said...

This made me laugh out loud!!

Comedy Goddess said...

My other mom friends and I have been advised to have the talk soon. Before the older siblings and older students share their version. Our kids are in second grade. I have a book that is pretty sanitized in its approach. Wish me luck!

anymommy said...

Oh, that is really fantastic. Thanks!

ella said...

Oh! ma-Goodness!

Dave King said...

Great! All except the first one - I wasn't sure whether it was God or the audience who was afraid to laugh! I think it should be God, but I fancy it was the audience. Great post, though.

Chef E said...

You always bring out those memories :) My mom also shoved a book at me and my brother...than I heard the word 'balling' in junior high so I thought it meant (so embarrassed here)that when people rubbed their bottoms together that is how you had sex...of course I found out later!

My recently new hubby of two years was a sort of un-used model, but he was trainable...

Lilly said...

Oh that is funny. There was no where to take that little heart to heart time with the kids after that I bet! Yes, the old ways are always better and YES, I have turned into my mother.

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