Old Dog says he got The Talk after his dad caught him trying to stop a rooster from copulating with a hen in their chicken yard. Young Pup was worried that the rooster, who had the hen’s neck trapped in his beak, was trying to kill her. “Nah,” said Doggy Daddy, “that’s how chickens have sex.” And then he nodded and walked away, a man relieved to have an unpleasant task behind him. (Thank God Old Dog’s first wife was the one who had to deal with any misconceptions that left behind. There’s a lot to be said for buying a pre-owned model.)
My first husband’s mom, on the other hand, gave him a pamphlet. Period. Not even a, “and let me know if you have questions.” Just a little booklet and you’re-on-your-own-buddy.
It is possible, however, to be too detailed. Some friends ran into this when describing the upcoming birth of their new baby to its soon-to-be brother, aged 8, and sister, age 6.
“A woman’s body,” Dad explained, “has three openings. Each these serves a specific purpose: one is for peeing and one is for pooping, but it’s the third opening that we’ll be talking about today.”
At this point, the 8-year-old interrupted. “You mean it comes out the pussy?”
Maybe our parents were right after all.