This is the exercise required to earn the "Honest Scrap" award given to me by Comedy Goddess. After reading Ian's (Idiot Stew) list, I decided not to even compete in the funny category, so all you're getting are true statements.
1) I’ve been married 3 times. The first, at age 18, for 13 years. Then again at age 33 for 6 years. And now for 11 years. God knows why Bill was willing to give this a shot, but it seems to work.
2) I am spatially challenged. I cannot stand in my basement and tell you what room is overhead. I can look out the basement window, see what’s out there and figure out what upstairs room offers the same vista, but to just know – doesn’t happen.
3) When I was in the fifth grade, I read that William Shakespeare had the best vocabulary in the history of English and I resolved to exceed him. By the time I was in high school and heard Howard Cosell announce a football game and realized how annoying it is when people use words others don’t understand, the damage was done.
4) I am afraid of mice. As in, stand-on-a-chair-and-shriek afraid.
5) I am not afraid of snakes, although I wouldn't wear one as an accessory.
6) I am 2/3 of the way through my third read-through of the Bible. This makes it impossible for me to take everything in it literally. I plan to continue re-reading it, in different translations, as long as I live.
7) Although I made a fair living at it for 33 years, I was never especially good with computers. A few years ago, people on my former team held a party and burned one of my programs in the fireplace because it was so difficult to maintain. As far as I know, there was no straw figure of me in there with the greenbar.
8) My SAT scores were high enough to qualify me for Mensa. I did not join as I figured the last thing I needed was to pal around with other socially-challenged people. (For all I know, Condaleeza Rice and Madeline Albright may chair their local chapters, but the Mensa folks I've known over the years belonged in an Asperger's support group.)
9) I drink bottled water at home. This is because I live less than a mile from an old landfill that was never completely cleaned up, and from a petroleum depot. I’m a freak about recycling the bottles, but it’s still not something I feel great about. However, I’d feel even worse about dying with a third hand sprouting from the top of my head.
10) I’ve wanted to write since I was old enough to hold a pencil. In the second grade, when Mrs. Young had us draw what we wanted to be when we grew up, my picture showed a woman in a flowing blue dress, seated at a typewriter. This blog is the most fun I’ve ever had with my clothes on.