Saturday, November 29, 2008

Pinup Boys

A number of years ago, before Anita Hill and Clarence Thomas transformed the workplace, some of the guys brought in a Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition Calendar. As they were drooling over the various models, I got to thinking about creating a similar calendar, but targeted at women. This is how I believe such a calendar might play out….

January
Age of model: 25
Bare-chested guy in jeans, six-pack abs and great pecs, leaning against a junky car.

February
Age of model: 30
Construction worker, standing next to a late-model pickup truck, holding blueprints. This guy’s so good-looking that you think he’s probably gay.

March
Age of model: 35
Hot guy in Dockers and polo shirt, bedroom eyes, holding open the door to a Cadillac, smiling into the camera

April
Age of model: 40
Guy in a well-cut suit, sitting at a desk, still hot, smiling more with his eyes than his lips

May
Age of model: 45
Guy in a custom-tailored suit, a little silver at his temples, still hot, leaning against a black BMW 7 Series sedan with his arms crossed. A smile plays at the corner of his mouth.

June
Age of model: 50
Luxurious silver hair, great tan, standing in front of a Porsche 911 Carrera 4S Cabriolet, holding a bouquet of long-stemmed roses.

July
Age of model: 55
Silver-haired, not all that hot, holding out a diamond bracelet. He's smiling, but with his lips closed.

August
Age of model: 60
Black tie, paunch, standing in front of a Lexus LS 430, his teeth may be dentures

September
Age of model: 65
White dinner jacket, silver hair, balding, a chauffeur is holding the door to his Rolls, not what anyone would call hot, and he’s kind of grumpy looking (a la Dick Cheney)

October
Age of model: 75
Standing in front of his huge house with his walker, even more bald, kind of frail – looks kind of like a baby turkey -- but not quite so cranky looking.

November
Age of model: 80
Sitting in wheelchair in a marble foyer, his bony shoulders and concave chest don’t fill out his expensive bathrobe. A curvaceous blonde in a nurse’s uniform stands beside him.

December
Age of model: 85+
In a hospital room, on life support. The blonde now wears diamonds and furs and she looks very happy. In the hallway outside the door stands Mr. January.

5 comments:

  1. Jeanne,
    Can I just buy January through March??

    ReplyDelete
  2. Reading this blog, which is absolutely hillarious, I might add, made me think of a marketing scheme I often pondered.

    Men are blessed with an establishment called "Hooters" where they can enjoy beer, wings, a ball game, and scantily clad waitresses.

    What about us women? Shouldn't we have a similar haven to retire to when we need to relax? How about a place called "Peckers" where a woman could go for a mixed drink (frozen or on the rocks), with chocolate desserts, soap operas, and chippendale clad waiters?!?!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Sharon,
    Can I buy stock? And help with interviews??????

    ReplyDelete
  4. Sharon -- I think your comment is even funnier than the calendar idea. If you get this place going, let me know!

    Karen -- You must buy the entire calendar. However, you can pretend like it's January all year if you like.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Peckers? Made me laugh out loud.

    Your calendar is a good idea but yes, I think I'd be happy with just Jan - March!

    ReplyDelete

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