Saturday, November 29, 2008

Pinup Boys

A number of years ago, before Anita Hill and Clarence Thomas transformed the workplace, some of the guys brought in a Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition Calendar. As they were drooling over the various models, I got to thinking about creating a similar calendar, but targeted at women. This is how I believe such a calendar might play out….

January
Age of model: 25
Bare-chested guy in jeans, six-pack abs and great pecs, leaning against a junky car.

February
Age of model: 30
Construction worker, standing next to a late-model pickup truck, holding blueprints. This guy’s so good-looking that you think he’s probably gay.

March
Age of model: 35
Hot guy in Dockers and polo shirt, bedroom eyes, holding open the door to a Cadillac, smiling into the camera

April
Age of model: 40
Guy in a well-cut suit, sitting at a desk, still hot, smiling more with his eyes than his lips

May
Age of model: 45
Guy in a custom-tailored suit, a little silver at his temples, still hot, leaning against a black BMW 7 Series sedan with his arms crossed. A smile plays at the corner of his mouth.

June
Age of model: 50
Luxurious silver hair, great tan, standing in front of a Porsche 911 Carrera 4S Cabriolet, holding a bouquet of long-stemmed roses.

July
Age of model: 55
Silver-haired, not all that hot, holding out a diamond bracelet. He's smiling, but with his lips closed.

August
Age of model: 60
Black tie, paunch, standing in front of a Lexus LS 430, his teeth may be dentures

September
Age of model: 65
White dinner jacket, silver hair, balding, a chauffeur is holding the door to his Rolls, not what anyone would call hot, and he’s kind of grumpy looking (a la Dick Cheney)

October
Age of model: 75
Standing in front of his huge house with his walker, even more bald, kind of frail – looks kind of like a baby turkey -- but not quite so cranky looking.

November
Age of model: 80
Sitting in wheelchair in a marble foyer, his bony shoulders and concave chest don’t fill out his expensive bathrobe. A curvaceous blonde in a nurse’s uniform stands beside him.

December
Age of model: 85+
In a hospital room, on life support. The blonde now wears diamonds and furs and she looks very happy. In the hallway outside the door stands Mr. January.

5 comments:

Karen said...

Jeanne,
Can I just buy January through March??

Sharon said...

Reading this blog, which is absolutely hillarious, I might add, made me think of a marketing scheme I often pondered.

Men are blessed with an establishment called "Hooters" where they can enjoy beer, wings, a ball game, and scantily clad waitresses.

What about us women? Shouldn't we have a similar haven to retire to when we need to relax? How about a place called "Peckers" where a woman could go for a mixed drink (frozen or on the rocks), with chocolate desserts, soap operas, and chippendale clad waiters?!?!

Karen said...

Sharon,
Can I buy stock? And help with interviews??????

Jeanne said...

Sharon -- I think your comment is even funnier than the calendar idea. If you get this place going, let me know!

Karen -- You must buy the entire calendar. However, you can pretend like it's January all year if you like.

Frogs in my formula said...

Peckers? Made me laugh out loud.

Your calendar is a good idea but yes, I think I'd be happy with just Jan - March!

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