Monday, May 17, 2010

The Bare Facts

I saw my first and only strip show in October, 1974.

My husband turned 21 that month and some older friends decided he should celebrate by going to the Todd Burlesque on Brown Street. Although I legally couldn't get in, they decided I could probably slide by the ID check, and I did.

By now you know that I'm a huge fan of musicals, so it will be no surprise to you that my expectations were based on watching Gypsy.

Yeah, not so much.

Here are the things that I remember:

1) There were several opening acts (take that anyway you choose and you'll probably be correct), leading up to the headliner, Miss Nude Ohio.

2) One of the warm-ups looked really youthful, a fact she emphasized by wearing her hair in pigtails tied with pink yarn. Since I was 20 and looked about 14, I couldn't understand why anyone would think looking like a young teen was sexy.

Still don't, actually.

3) Another warm-up had a gimmick of taking the glasses of any guy who sat in the front row and sticking them down her g-string before returning them.

(Which, in turn, reminds me of the one and only time I saw a sword swallower, who did something similar, also taking a pair of glasses from an audience member, but instead shoving the ear-piece up his nose all the way to the hinges.)

Of both of these actions I say, YUCK!

4) There was one girl, who looked to be in her late 20's/early 30's, who danced to some Motown as she disrobed. Unfortunately, she didn't dance particularly well.

5) When Miss Nude Ohio finally took the stage, wearing little more than her banner, it quickly became clear why she was the star. She had skin like polished opal and more curves than a road race course. Her trick was to take the face of each of those first-row guys, place it between her ginormous breasts, and shake them till the guy would reel back to his seat, totally disoriented. The audience loved it.

A couple of years ago, a guy in my writers' group was doing (he said) research on strippers (did you know, for example, that the #1 most popular name for strippers is "Destiny"?) and tried to put together a field trip.

I couldn't get into though.

Some experiences are meant to be enjoyed only once.


  1. What picture was that Jeanne, I couldn't tell.

  2. ...and you've been sliding by ID checks ever since...

  3. You evoked a lot of graphic images that my brain would rather not process!!! :P

  4. I have never gone to one or been suppose it might make me happy! I am thinking it would make me a little uncomfortable. I must ponder on this as I am only trying things currently that make ME happy :)

  5. I was there a few times, even with girlfriends and couples. It was a non important pivotal moment in time when the sexual revolution of the 60's rolled over the sexist art of post WW II erotica and left us all with fuzzy video tapes, and finally the mire of airbrushed Playboy boredom and Girls Gone Wild.

    So long, bump and grind.

  6. Giggles on my end! Okay now I cannot get pigtails, pink ribbon and you out of my head, lol

    I wrote a poem about pigtails do not belong on women over fourteen :)

    You entertain us so well my dear, I love your writing

  7. I ate in a restaurant in a strip club once (long story). Seeing all that you described while you are eating dinner takes it to a whole new level.

  8. That reminds me, two years ago when I was pregnant with Charlotte and the recession was raging war in our lives, my co-workers heard there was free food at the local strip club so 3 girls, 2 guys went. They invited me but then recommended against it because of all the smoking. The girls were all tough starting out but for some reason they never went back. Guess free food wasn't worth it!

  9. (gasp) You mean to tell me there are establishments where women disrobe?

  10. I worked in a topless bar once after college. I was a bartender and WORE all my clothes.

    I didn't last there very long.

  11. When we lived in Denver we went to a Club..a woman with the largest breasts I have even seen was dancing. She was shaking them all over the stage..the men were going wild..throwing dollar bills her way..some even put them down in her G String..She was billed as the lady with the largest breasts in the world at a whopping 50 inches.. I swear..they were like basketballs on her chest..that was over 37 years ago..I bet they are dragging on the floor now:)

  12. I've only been to a male strip show. Once you've seen one willy being swung in circles, I say you've seen them all.
    Also went to a 'show' in Bangkok - a bit disturbing and mechanical for my liking - sounds like the women in 1974 enjoyed themselves more!

  13. Kabbalah Rookie,

    I had to laugh out loud...male eroticists being reduced to " willys being swung in circles"!

    What a visual! At the very least, that has to be the best name for a band I've ever heard: And NOW, ladies and gentlemen, Jack Rabbit Slims is proud to intoduce... WILLYS BEING SWUNG IN CIRCLES!

    Thanks, girl!

  14. Holy smokes. I gotta sit down.

  15. Raisin Girl at Tuck-A-Buck? I'd pay a dollar!

  16. I had a friend who was a stripper. She lived with a man named Ohio. What's with that state and strip clubs?

  17. One hideously hot summer in Oklahoma, after erecting huge campaign signs in rock-hard red dirt, we three went to a strip bar. The best line of the night: "Pam is awesome. The only way she could be any better is if she had ice water coming out of her boobs." Nuff said...


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