Friday, February 20, 2009

Club Diva

My Beloved Daughter is what is known at a lipstick lesbian. For her, fashion is sacred. When she was four, I tried to buy her this adorable little flannel shirt. She checked it out, then looked me in the eye and said, “You can buy it, but I won’t wear it.”

BD came out to me when she was a senior in college. Actually, I kind of yanked the closet door open and hollered, “Come out of there!” She’d been involved in the BiGLM movement at school, but I actually didn’t think too much about it until she was elected Secretary. Then, one day over the phone, I asked her, “So, when are you planning to tell me that you’re gay?”

And she said, “I was afraid if I told you, you wouldn’t love me any more.”

Thinking about that, even today, makes my heart just fold in on itself. I can’t even imagine not loving her, and I can’t understand how she could think that could ever happen.

“There is nothing you can do,” I said, “nothing you can be, that can ever change how much I love you. Even if I have to visit you in prison, I’ll still love you.”

After that promising beginning, however, it hasn’t always been effortless. I say thoughtless things (like the time I invited her and Phinn to my house for Mother’s Day, assuming that her Life Partner would spend the day with her own mother, only to be told, “She wants to spend the day with her son, Mom.” Duh.)

They live about sixty miles from me and one day she called to say that she and some friends were coming to Dayton to visit a club. The friends had a male impersonator act, and they were to talk to the club owner about a gig. Did Old Dog and I want to go out to dinner with them?


Dinner was pleasant, no Joe Biden moments on my part, but afterwards, BD said, “Do you know how to get to Club Diva?”

I froze. “Club Diva?”

She immediately became defensive. “Yes, Club Diva. Do you have a problem with that?”

I couldn’t back away from this confrontation fast enough. “Nooo, no problem at all,” I assured her.

Club Diva is a dive bar in one of the most redneck sections of town. Hoodchick’s brother-in-law used to cruise the joint, figuring his chances for a pickup had to be good where the ratio of women to men ran so much in his favor. (Not that I’m calling Hoodchick’s BIL a redneck – I can think of other words that are a lot more definitive.)

Old Dog gave them directions (I don’t do geography) and off they went.

The next morning when I gave her a call to see how things went, she was furious.

“Why didn’t you tell me what kind of place it was?” she demanded.

“What do you mean?”

In the tone of one describing an encounter with a Nazi war criminal, she said, “There were women there in polyester blazers, Mom. And mullets.”

Which just goes to show that we’re all prejudiced against something.


  1. You had me at "...makes my heart just fold in on itself"

  2. Beautifully written post. I think I am with Steven G on this one - what a wonderful way to describe your love. Yes I hear what you are saying - there would be nothing my daughter could do that could make me love her any less either. We are just the way God made us to be. Polyester jackets and mullets, he he! Loved it!!

  3. Always a pleasure to start the day with a post from you. My oldest daughter had something against mullets and it was a hobby of hers to take pictures of mullets wherever she found them. She was always snapping pictures of the backs of people's heads.

  4. Well. Mullets.
    Have to say I'm a teensy bit prejudice there, too.

  5. My youngest is 28, and to this day there are some things where he listens to me, and a flock of things we just don't discuss...

  6. What fun...a retro bar...I think it's the name 'mullet' that really is the issue...what's up with that.

    We all dressed like shit back in the day...but boy were we hot!

    p.s....keep forgeting to get the damn wire hanger, but the parts came in the mail...soon!

  7. The lesbian with the mullet. All business in the front with a party in the back.

    She's so lucky to have an understanding mom. And in an effort to be non-judgmental, you didn't say anything about what kind of bar it was.

    She just has no idea how many people would love to have a mother like you! Keep up the good lovin'!

    Beautiful post.

  8. Great post!
    I love Dorothy Parker too.

  9. You sound like a great mom - she's lucky to have you.

  10. You let her out with no warning of the polyester and mullets? Shame!

    Sweet post, BTW!

  11. Now, this made me laugh. Very cute. Mullets and polyester?

  12. I am that kind of mother to my son...I love him not matter what he tells me, even though a gulp passes through the moment, he is so lovable as he is from me...

    I actually love going to the bars and dancing now and then, it helps to lighten the load of life...

  13. oh what a great story!! did you see that video i put up last Friday, called 'marry me'- it's on youtube, and the kid in it has the most amazing mullet ever.

  14. She had to learn for herself, right?

  15. I never re-post, but after reading all of you, I just have to comment on Lilly's word gift; " We are just the way God made us to be."

    That would be an incredibly cool epitaph.

    God,I love this therapy. Thanks Jeanne!

  16. Oh, thanks a lot. When I was in there, the chicks were hot. Or it could've been the beer goggles. Anyway, I got to play some kick ass Cher on the juke before the husband dragged me outta there.

    (Oh yeah, and the redneck is now a teetotaling mormon. And not a lot of fun.)

  17. You write so beautifully. I love the "heart fold in" and I laughed out loud at the mullets! Thank you, you brighten my day!

  18. I always have considered myself extremely diverse ... but I must admit, I think I harbor a secret mullet prejudice.

  19. Most Moms love their matter are a great Mom! :)

  20. What a fabulous post! I loved it!

    And it may be just the thing to convince me to get rid of my mullet once and for all.

    BTW, thank you so much for your kind comment on Beth Kephart's blog today. I really appreciate you reading the interview and your comment meant a lot to me.

    Take care and have a smooth weekend...

    :^) Anna

  21. Beauty, heartbreak, truth—all in one post. Thank you for this reminder.... and thank you for speaking truth about Anna's blog. It is true. That what impresses me most—the quality of her writing.

  22. Such are the pitfalls with which life confronts us - still, you seem to have soared above them. Well done.


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