Monday, January 5, 2009

10 True Things

This is the exercise required to earn the "Honest Scrap" award given to me by Comedy Goddess. After reading Ian's (Idiot Stew) list, I decided not to even compete in the funny category, so all you're getting are true statements.

1) I’ve been married 3 times. The first, at age 18, for 13 years. Then again at age 33 for 6 years. And now for 11 years. God knows why Bill was willing to give this a shot, but it seems to work.
2) I am spatially challenged. I cannot stand in my basement and tell you what room is overhead. I can look out the basement window, see what’s out there and figure out what upstairs room offers the same vista, but to just know – doesn’t happen.
3) When I was in the fifth grade, I read that William Shakespeare had the best vocabulary in the history of English and I resolved to exceed him. By the time I was in high school and heard Howard Cosell announce a football game and realized how annoying it is when people use words others don’t understand, the damage was done.
4) I am afraid of mice. As in, stand-on-a-chair-and-shriek afraid.
5) I am not afraid of snakes, although I wouldn't wear one as an accessory.
6) I am 2/3 of the way through my third read-through of the Bible. This makes it impossible for me to take everything in it literally. I plan to continue re-reading it, in different translations, as long as I live.
7) Although I made a fair living at it for 33 years, I was never especially good with computers. A few years ago, people on my former team held a party and burned one of my programs in the fireplace because it was so difficult to maintain. As far as I know, there was no straw figure of me in there with the greenbar.
8) My SAT scores were high enough to qualify me for Mensa. I did not join as I figured the last thing I needed was to pal around with other socially-challenged people. (For all I know, Condaleeza Rice and Madeline Albright may chair their local chapters, but the Mensa folks I've known over the years belonged in an Asperger's support group.)
9) I drink bottled water at home. This is because I live less than a mile from an old landfill that was never completely cleaned up, and from a petroleum depot. I’m a freak about recycling the bottles, but it’s still not something I feel great about. However, I’d feel even worse about dying with a third hand sprouting from the top of my head.
10) I’ve wanted to write since I was old enough to hold a pencil. In the second grade, when Mrs. Young had us draw what we wanted to be when we grew up, my picture showed a woman in a flowing blue dress, seated at a typewriter. This blog is the most fun I’ve ever had with my clothes on.


  1. I HATE mice- and don't mind much else.
    I adore your list, and have a sneaking suspicion we are related.

  2. Thanks for sharing your list. (Somehow that sounds sarcastic when I reread it, but I honestly mean it. I love learning how other people work.)

    I also love my blog. It is way, way more fun than I expected.

  3. Oh thank you for visiting because I'm so happy to have found your blog! I love the last one.

  4. Interesting stuff! You kill my spiders, and I'll catch your mice.

  5. Yup, I think I am your and Vodka Mom's long-lost third cousin. Or something. Mice are also the things that send me over the edge. I can deal with the hairiest spider and the grossest cockroach and the buzzingest wasp, but any evidence that mice are around and I'm outta there.

  6. You have succeeded in making yourself sound ultra-interesting. That's good enough for me!

  7. What a great list! Wow Mensa! I think I was stoned when I took the SAT's. And hung over. It was 1979 after all. My scores were better than I thought they would be.

  8. Shakespeare, Cossell, and The Bible, all in one little blog. You are trult amazing. I always knew you were a powderkeg. Thanks for the historical enrichment,artistic inspiration, and adding to all my other addictions! Save me a place in line at the first book signing.


  9. I see some good TMI here girl! I thought I fit in at school too, but then a girl told me later on that I was so socially challenged, so I have been working on it since...

    Mice do not bother me, it is spiders and snakes...

  10. Ugh, mice! Now I can feel my skin crawling, thanks.

  11. I love mice - but then I had two as pets when I was a child, and they were so cute.

    But I'm with you on the spatial challenges/Shakespearean vocabulary/Mensa avoidance :)

  12. I read the other blogs first, and then didn't pay attention to your first paragraph. So I was totally trying to find the lie!! LOL - I'll keep to myself which one I picked.

  13. Loved your list...I'm okay with mice but cannot be anywhere near a snake...can't even watch them on tv! lol! :)

  14. I am going to read this post once a week for the next 52 weeks...this is great!

  15. Hee! Very funny!

    And if you haven't read it, you have to check out the story from Me Talk Pretty One Day by David Sedaris about trying to qualify for Mensa :)

  16. Mice should be banned from the universe.

    Loved your list...especially the line
    about dying with a third hand sprouting from the top of your head.

  17. Okay, the Mensa post literally had me laughing outloud (in my car in the Starbuck line ... waiting to wake up ...)

    I'm not convinced I'm not worthy to be in such esteemed company.


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