Monday, March 29, 2010

10 Observations From My Trip



1)All New York dog-walkers wear the exact same expression, a look that says, “Why the fuck do I own a dog in New York City?”


2)If you spend four 10-hour days listening to Robert McKee spike his lecture with the word “fuck” with the same panache that Emeril spikes his recipes with garlic, you will find yourself using it, too. And just when you’d broken the habit.



3)New York street vendors display a business agility that is the envy of every Fortune 1000 corporation in the world. The same seller who hawks “I heart NY” t-shirts on a sunny Sunday afternoon magically becomes an umbrella vendor on a rainy Monday morning.

4)If you get there infrequently enough, and you want to badly enough, you can continue to walk around Manhattan on a sprained ankle. It may not be the smartest thing you’ve ever done, but it does allow you to finally see the Alice In Wonderland statue in Central Park like you’ve dreamed of doing for 30 years.


5)Being an NYC cabdriver requires split-second reflexes. Being a passenger requires Valium.


6)An evening in the Blue Bar at the Algonquin Hotel, haunt of 1920’s literary luminaries like Dorothy Parker, Alexander Woolcott and Peter Benchley, is an excellent way to spend your last evening in the Big Apple. Especially in the company of the woman who writes this blog.


7)People who rarely fly are not appropriate candidates for the “Expert Traveler” queue through the TSA checkpoint at La Guardia. Please be aware that she didn’t choose this line on a weather-delayed Monday morning, though. She was ordered into it by the TSA hall monitor. So get off her ass.

8)Despite, or perhaps because of, the apparent misery of having a dog in New York, people leaving New York will bring along a dog in their carry-on.

9)Idiotic fellow passengers will cover for the perp, pretending through an hour-and-a-half of the tarmac delays not to hear the little fellow whining and even occasionally yipping while his owner does her imitation of the little old lady in Goodnight, Moon.

10)These passengers will be rewarded for their kindness when the stresses of being a pooch-in-a-bag plays havoc with his digestive track, causing him to let loose a veritable cloud of dog farts within the confined atmosphere of the plane.

23 comments:

  1. That's New York alright! It really is a cliche of itself is so many ways. A great place to visit , and fly out of.

    In Centerville, we call those animals "poopers". 998 out of every 1000 people own two or three.

    From the literary angle, I am so glad you went. I daydream that your trip must have certainly super charged that writer genius in you. Lucky us!

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  2. I never noticed these things in NY, I must take it for granted. Did you see Matilda at the Algonguin? Gotta love that kitteh.

    I hope you got to have a Sabrett's dog from a street vendor.

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  3. I reckon if you want it badly enough you can climb Everest with a sprained ankle. Not advisable either.

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  4. The picture made me laugh. Your expression goes very well with the post.

    Try sitting down to dinner at an uber fancy Italian restaurant with your children and look around to realize that they've seated you in the room with the people who let their pooch eat off the china.

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  5. This cracked me up -- especially the first one! Absolutely true.

    Also: Algonquin? Alice in Wonderland statue? Valium-dusted cab rides? This sounds like my ideal NYC trip!

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  6. I am probably one of the few people who has never had any desire to see NYC, or any other major city.

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  7. This was a very multi-faceted post. Everything from great meals to taxis and airline queues, and even a cloud of dog fart has been covered.

    I loved this post. :)

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  8. I enjoyed reading your other post about your experience and now this, your right, NYC in a nutshell folks!

    I was just there three separate times in one week! Although one thing you forgot in this...how you can bring home unwanted travelers like bugs...hubby has one now from Saturday and is down down down, cross your fingers I do not, well want it!

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  9. I remember that statue! (Says the girl who's spent a grand total of 2 days in Manhattan.)

    Remind me when you're flying over to visit me...? ;)

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  10. From a sort of perverse point of view, I'd say it sounds like you had a really great time. I love to go there.

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  11. These need to be on David Letterman's top 10 from a visitor. Too funny girl...I have often thought of WHY have a dog in New York and I haven't ever been there...but it has to be a hassle especially for the dog!!

    Congrats on one of your dreams coming true in seeing the Alice statue

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  12. I love your observations! I felt like I was with you.

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  13. Having been there, #2 made me spit out my coffee. And yes, you had to be there.

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  14. I love that list!!

    That is next years winner of the Bombeck award!

    So sorry I missed you! How is your ankle??

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  15. Aw, you make me feel as if I were there. Thanks for sharing your trip with us.

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  16. Oh, I'm so glad you got the chance to visit NYC. Isn't it fantastic! And the Alice in Wonderland monument...that takes me back to my younger years in NYC. And the 57th Street subway entrance. Been in and out of that entrance about a bazillion times going to work at the Peninsula Hotel on 55th Street. And oh, The Carnegie Deli - don't get me started!

    Glad you had fun and I enjoyed the pix. If hubs and I do move back to NYC this year, I'm gonna have a blast taking pix of NYC and sharing them with everyone. I may have to start another themed blog!

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  17. I can't BELIEVE YOU WENT!!!!! I want ALL THE DIRT!!!!

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  18. Sounds like a good trip..hope you learned a whole bunch of good stuff! I have always felt sorry for dogs in the city..never been to NYC..not sure I would like all those people:)

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  19. Sounds like you had a great trip. I agree with your assessment of driving in a cab. Makes me nuts. Dorothy Parker is one of my all time favorite authors.

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  20. #2 - if you've forgotten how to say the f-word, good thing we're lunching together soon so I can get you into practice!
    #5 - well, if you weren't driving to lunch, I'm sure UNK could get you back into practice of riding drug free- but with your eyes closed!

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